Social Experiment III

I'll be keeping the beard, at least for the summer. Reception has been quite positive, and any naysayers have kept silent. Right now I'm trying to figure out the appropriate length at which to keep it. All I can tell you right now is that the first setting on my trimmer is too short, and I've never used the second. I've only just recently figured out that I've been using it improperly (revealing the inadequacy of the first setting), so perhaps the second will suffice. I need to balance sufficient body without significantly altering the shape of my face. I'm just vain like that.

In other news, my body has finally rebelled against its physically exacting regiment of No Down Time. Since the beginning of May, I've been pushing myself continuously, and today is really the first day of the month where I can sit around and do nothing. It began as it usually does, with a faint dryness in a tonsil. Then the dryness spread to both, and developed into a full-blown sore throat, which was accompanied by moderate nasal congestion and a light cough. These symptoms developed over 3 days, with almost one full day devoted to each. Now I'm in a phase of heavy congestion and an occasional chest cough. The good news is that the soreness in my throat has disappeared, which usually indicates that I'm on the mend. I predict a full recovery by Tuesday, at the latest. The dryness started on Wednesday evening, following a short day at work, and a trek into the Gatineau hills. I suspect that my body had relaxed prematurely due to the short day, and was left vulnerable thereafter. Could have been the French air. One never knows.

5 Days in May

They met in a hurricane
Standing in the shelter out of the rain
She tucked a note into his hand
Later on they took his car
Drove on down where the beaches are
He wrote her name in the sand
Never even let go of her hand

Somehow they stayed that way
For those 5 days in May
Made all the stars around them shine
Funny how you can look in vain
Living on nerves and such sweet pain
The loneliness that cuts so fine
To find the face you've seen a thousand times

Sometimes the world begins
To set you up on your feet again
And ohh it wipes the tears from your eyes
How will you ever know
The way that circumstances go
Oh its going to hit you by surprise
But I know my past
You were there
In everything I've done
You are the one

Looking back its hard to tell
Why they stood while others fell
Spend your life working it out
All I know is one cloudy day
They both just ran away
Rain on the windshield heading South
Ohh she loved the lines around his mouth

Sometimes the world begins
To set you up on your feet again
And ohh it wipes the tears from your eyes
How will you ever know
The way that circumstances go
Ohh its going to hit you by surprise
But I know my past
You were there
In everything I've done
You are the one

Three Years If It's a Day

So more than a week has somehow slid by since my last post, and I hardly even noticed it. I quickly got back into the swing of things at work, although the company appears to be in overall decline. In the years that I've worked there, I've seen a steady bleeding away of contracts, starting with Canada Day and Winterlude, and followed this year by the Sussex North area and the downtown banner contract, which was a personal favourite of mine. Canada Day I won't miss, as it required weekend work and the liklihood of evening and night shifts. Winterlude never affected me, as it happened during the winter while I was back at school. Sussex North was the company cash-cow: a low-maintenance area that brought in a high profit, so although I didn't form much of an attachment to the area itelf, the loss of the contract will hurt the company. Combined with the current recession, the amount of employees hired for summer work will be lower this year, and I suspect wages will remain stagnant. The banner contract I will miss, as it was a welcome change from the usual paint-and-property repair, and its upkeep was generally a leisurely way to spend a Friday morning.

My usual crew-leader and trainer is no longer with the company, so the odds are good that I will become the de-facto replacement, once more help is hired. In practice, this won't change my job description much, although it is looking like the hired help will be older on average this summer, meaning that I may be one of the youngest members carrying the most seniority. I don't know how such a position will make me feel. More on this as it develops.

Transition and Transformation III

So my fears of boredom and gloom in the early part of May have proven groundless. I got the call today, and I start back at work on Monday, which is a good two weeks earlier than I had initially been told. Now it's just a matter of transforming my rather liberal rising time from 9:30-10am to 5am over the course of three days. Let the good times roll.

Social Experiment II

The social experiment that is my beard has moved past the planning phase, although the poll that I operated saw only 6 Yes votes to 4 No. With numbers so small, I can't really make any initial judgements, although I can make some interesting observations:

60% of straight women who participated voted Yes
100% of straight men who participated voted Yes
100% of gay men who participated voted No

These figures don't tell me everything I'd like to know. I suspect that reasons for voting varied in the Yes cases, but not in the No cases. The former could have been either caused by simple curiosity OR the belief that beards look good, while I'm more inclinded to believe that the latter all come from the belief that beards are unattractive. I say this based particularly on the gay vote, as those voters presumably have a better idea of what looks good on a man than any straight man does. Democracy has carried the day, however, and now data will have to be collected by research in the field. I'm such a nerd.

Transition and Transformation II

I've been busy lately- far busier than I would have guessed a week ago when everything seemed to be moving so slow. The exercise and social activity has kept me in good spirits, yet I am apprehensive of the lull that must inevitably follow. Even during the last few hectic days there have been moments when I sensed that all the flurry of activity surrounding me was masking a decline in the more normal forms of my social interaction- Facebook and MSN have been dead for some time now, as people move away or get into the summer routine. When my social schedule dries up- as it will shortly- without work, and without the usual interaction that comes with school, I fear that a sort of gloomy boredom may become my new norm. Among the solutions offered to this problem, I have been told that I should find a woman. I admit that I would love that sort of companionship, but there is no reason to think that it will simply fall out of the sky. In the meantime, I think I shall construct some sort of routine. My bus pass will activate on Friday, meaning that I can essentially tour the city at whim, should I have nothing better to do. My spending needs to be reigned in, but there's still a lot I could do for cheap or free. I could also stand to devote more time to reading or practicing my German. Trouble is, once the summer comes, the leisure activities that are so relaxing during the school year seem far more mundane. I'm sure I'll figure something out though, and once mid-May rolls around I'll be back at work full-time anyways. Yee-haw.

Transition and Transformation

I had some fun tonight, and I'm happier than I've been in awhile. Having been relieved of my latest burden, I feel that I am ready to meet summer head-on. That's figurative, but walking home tonight I had the energy to attempt it physically. I haven't sprinted in a long time, and I ran fast enough to have stuff fall out of my pockets. I imagine it was quite a sight. I think this summer shall be a good one.

Character Development I: Einsamkeit

I still miss her sometimes, usually late at night when my mind wanders. It's true what they say- the heart never forgets its first love. Very infrequently I send her short messages in the hopes that she'll respond, but I always wait in vain. I suspect that my messages are filtered or blocked before they reach her, and I don't know what I'd do if she ever responded. My goals are unclear, but I suspect these actions are my mechanism for trying to come to terms with the great happiness that I lost, that one formative experience against which all others are measured.

My goal with this post is not to evoke pity or sympathy, and I don't want to be seen as someone who exists in a perpetual state or mourning, because I am generally content with my life and grateful for all that I have. I seek rather to provide the reader with a greater understanding of my character. Too often we make judgements based on a surface action without an attempt to delve deeper to discover the root cause. I intend to post on a number of these topics that I consider important formative experiences in my life.

This particular theme of lost love influences my current attitudes towards women, relationships, and sexual morality, and can further be linked to the periods of melancholy I sometimes enter. When we love someone strongly and that person is suddenly removed against our will, we don't simply stop loving, but we continute to produce feelings for a target that no longer receives them. The result can be likened to a wound which drains the victim psychologically, and unlike its corporeal counterpart, may never heal. Occasionally, something will cause this wound of mine to re-open, and I will enter a melancholic state. I want to point out that these states are not the same as a depression; they generally are shorter and less intense. I have also discovered recently that I am more susceptible to these moods when I am not eating properly.

This topic has admittedly been difficult for me to write about because I am a rather secretive person, and this post has required me lay out my personal oddities for others to examine. Say what you will. It does me no good to keep these things to myself anymore.

Dan's Odyssey

It has been almost a year since I last posted anything here, but it has been suggested that I once again take up blogging, if only to pass the time. I find writing to be cathartic, and the blog provides a safer audience than Facebook, I think. I believe that one of my first posts all those years ago stated that I would try to avoid discussing the mundane activities of my day-to-day life, and I think I'd like to try to keep up that tradition. To be sure, events from my daily life will be mentioned, but this blog will essentially be used as an arena where my abstract thoughts can be set free from my mind, so that they don't get bored and start wrecking up the place. Thoughts are tricky things.

So what's on my mind today?

Right now is the Beard Debate, that is, should I grow one? I'm fully capable of doing so, but my mind remains wary. The semi-poll that I've set up via Facebook so far suggests that most people are in favour of me trying it, so I guess the last person who requires convincing will be myself. To put it simply, I don't think a beard squares with my own image of myself. I used to have one years ago, and I liked it well enough. I kept it for about a year and the shaved it off out of boredom one day, and I haven't really attempted to grow another one since. To maintain a beard of the kind I'm thinking of growing will require more work than the usual clean-shaving once every 5-6 days. Yes, I'm lazy. It also doesn't help that my last girlfriend equated beards with pedophilia, which, although a bit ridiculous, has nevertheless colored my views on the subject. The major question in my mind, then, is whether a beard will provide more advantages than disadvantages. Since having a beard in my case is simply a question of aesthetics as opposed to one of utility (i.e. covering scars or filling out a weak jawline), what ultimately matters is how good I will look with one. This is a difficult question, given that all answers to it will be based on the subjective tastes of everyone (OK, every woman) who sees it. I suspect a bearded Dan will appeal more stronglyto a niche audience (the one that tries to pick him up at bus stops), while the more familiar clean-shaven Dan appeals to a more general audience, but in a weaker manner. I'm thinking this would make an interesting social experiment. In any case, I'll keep you up-to-date on any developments.