Fortunate Son

I find myself these days to be utterly content without a relationship. This is a new phase in my life, one that I could not have understood if it were explained to me beforehand. I had often wondered why married men encouraged me to remain a bachelor for as long as I could, but now I wonder no more. I think Crowded House probably said it best, "There is freedom within; there is freedom without." I don't know if they were referring to the situation that I am describing, but the words nevertheless ring true. Within a relationship, one is freed from the hassle of finding a relationship; moreover, if the relationship is healthy, one has a kind of emotional freedom to relax, and let your partner keep you anchored. On the flip side, an anchor can become a ball-and-chain. Outside of a relationship, one has unlimited freedom of motion and potential, but the lack of an anchor that is provided by a soul-mate means that one could potentially drift far, both in a physical sense and a metaphorical one. If I might continue with the nautical metaphors, compare a relationship to a boat anchored in a harbor, and bachelorhood as a boat adrift on the sea. There is no particular advantage to one or the other, the decision depends upon the individual. The tendency has always been for people to pair off, but why should one feel excluded if he or she does not, especially when it is clear that the majority of relationships are unhealthy or forced? From what I have experienced, perhaps 2 of 3 relationships (among my peers) are built of matchwood and convenience, ever in danger of collapse if some disintegrating influence presents itself. No, the truly fortunate are not those who are necessaily in relationships, but who know what a good relationship should look like. In my experience, this means that the relationship generally strengthens you in all areas, and provides no significant hindrance. Unfortunately, it's hard to know a healthy relationship if you've never been in one. This is presumably why people are not advised to marry their first sweetheart. But hey, sometimes it works. Myself, I know what I'm looking for. I'm often asked what I find attractive in a woman. I may as well answer it here, because it requires unpacking and is not suited for short conversation. First off, to say what I find physically attractive is almost irrelevant, because it's misleading. A lot of women are physically attractive, but a great many of them could be outmaneuvered by some type of festive door ornament. That's not to say I don't like attractive women; it's the first level of attraction. So what do I look for? That's vague. I like red hair and pale skin, but those may as well be bonus points, because they're not that big a factor. What I like is essentially the girl-next-door look; feminine form and nice features. Through comparative analysis (and reality), I've also discovered that I tend toards the thinner end of the spectrum, possibly beyond what other men would consider attractive. Other than that, I'm not a fan of the petite or those who are taller than myself, though this is generally not a problem with a 6'2" guy. There, some vague markers for physical attraction. Now we move into the more important 'strength of character' section. Number one is always, loyalty/stability/staying power. I want the genuine article, meaning a real relationship, with the accepted possibility of the long-term. Women I judge to be questionable in their loyalties, especially those in relationships, are generally held in low regard and are worthy of suspicion. Number two: intelligence. Higher than average, let's say on a similar level to myself. I might be intimidated by a woman far beyond me in intelligence. Similar interests are also desirable. Number three: Maturity. I'd like a woman who's in a similar place to me in life. And finally: self-assuredness. If there's nothing worse than loyalty issues on my attraction scale, confidence issues are a close second. I don't want to prop up some cowering wreck of a woman, if I dish it out, I want her to throw it right back. To do so is to gain my respect. To bring all of this back to the original topic, I'm content to be single because the woman I have described is a rarity. She is the key to the ideal, and to settle for less would be to knowingly do so. To get to the very heart of the matter, I'd rather be alone, enjoying my Freedom Without, than coupled with the wrong person, denied my Freedom Within. Go listen to that song now.

Penance

So I've decided to atone for my sins by staying up late into the night to work on Greek. Why I'm undergoing penance is something I'll discuss some other time. I have 7 passages to do, although it's not likely I'll get them all done tonight. Five would be great, and it would put me way ahead of the game in Greek studying (the exam is almost a week away). If I'm serious about this, I should get some coffee. We'll see.